It's not me, it's you! ~ by Tori Bradford

Today, it’s time to talk about parties.

You heard me...parties.

OK, I know it doesn't seem serious, but stay with me...

Over the last few years, I’ve walked through many transformations in my life, and I’ve learned that parties are so much more fun now. In the past, I would show up to a party totally worried about what people would think of me, of my outfit, how I looked, how I carried myself, or what I said, and without fail, by the end of the night, I would go home fretting about “that stupid thing that I did.” It was agonizing and really took the joy out of going out!

The difference between having a great time at a party and having a bad time at a party lies with one important distinction. Look back at what I said I worried about...Do you notice the common theme in all of those statements? Everything I worried about had the words “I,” “my,” and “me” in them.

Coincidence? I think not.

When we’re totally focused on ourselves, we can’t possibly be focused on other people.

When I was stressed about how I looked in my dress, I wasn't able to focus on the conversations my friends were engaging in. When I was embarrassed because I got super loud right when the rest of the room quieted down, I wasn’t able to be present in the fun everyone else was having. When my friends wanted to take a picture to remember the night, but I didn’t want to be in it because I was worried about how I look. I’m not focusing on them at all. I’m focusing on myself.

I started to learn that that old phrase, “It’s not you, it’s me” is total crap. I realized it was time to break up with the selfish, self-conscious, self-focused me and make it about the people I was with.

My new motto quickly became, “It’s not me, it’s you!”

Focusing on other people is so much more fun, exciting, and fulfilling!

When I wasn’t focused on all of my junk, I had much more time to focus on the beauty that surrounded me. I was able to be present in the moments and ask and say things like:

  • “Wow, Susan looks so beautiful in her new dress! She looks so happy and carefree. It’s great to see her feeling better after all of the sadness that has been in her life lately.”

  • “Aren’t Mike and Jennifer such a great couple? How wonderful it is that they found each other and are doing life together.”

  • “Tonya seems sad, I’m going to go talk to her and see what’s going on for her.”

  • “Oh look, they’re all taking a picture...what a great way to remember this night forever. I want in!”

I’m sure you get the point of my silly examples. When the focus wasn’t on me, it could be on everyone else.

Try it the next time you’re at a party. When you hear that little voice in your head say, “Wow, you look really fat. Are you sure you should have come?,” you can proudly declare, “Heck, yes! Because it’s not about me, it’s about all of the other awesome people who are here!”  

I can promise that you’ll have more fun.

Just remember…. It’s not me, it’s you!