Curiosity - The Most Powerful Thing I Own
I am always so surprised how much I learn when I choose curiosity. I really don't know why I don't anticipate it's effectiveness, but it consistently proves to be powerful in my relationships.
Up until now, I find it very easy to judge. It is like second nature for me to assess a situation or a person and decide what is true. It happens so quickly that many times I don't even notice it. I am learning that those judgments are typically rooted in self-protection and thinking the worst about myself, others, or my circumstances.
I'm learning that when I let my judgments tell me what is true, I tend to isolate myself from whatever or whomever I am judging. This takes me in the opposite direction of my vision which is to be present with the ones I love as we know and are known by each other.
When I notice I am choosing isolation, I will slow down and trace my thoughts back to where I made the judgment and get curious about it by asking questions about the truth of the judgment.
As I choose curiosity, the self-focused judgment is exposed and I get an opportunity to find truth.
I experienced an example of this while on our anniversary trip last month. An event had occurred one night that was bringing my husband to isolate himself and shut me out. As we talked at breakfast the next morning, I began making his way of being about me. I felt rejected, as he seemed unwilling to connect with me. I noticed my way of being was starting to be irritable, mad, and shut down.
I knew this wasn't how I wanted to spend my day, so I decided to get curious.
I traced my thoughts backward and noticed that a few minutes earlier I had made a judgment that he didn't care about me.
I thought, "is that true?"
The way he was acting sure seemed to make it feel true.
But I asked myself, "If it was or wasn't true would I want to know?"
At that moment, I offered up a prayer and said, "God if you will show me I am willing to look."
As I left it in His hands, my way of being shifted to lighthearted, curious, and excited about what the day would hold.
Well, our day continued and the story of what occurred later is a bit long so, for the sake of time, I will simply say I had a little accident and injured myself. My husband showed up for me in a way that I had never seen him show up before.
I caught the words coming out of my mouth,
"I have never felt so cared for."
What?!? As I heard myself say it, my mind went back to the judgment I had chosen to get curious about less than 24 hours earlier, that he didn't care for me.
Because I chose curiosity, my perspective had changed so much that now the complete opposite of what I had been tempted to judge and believe was now true.
Another powerful moment was that by removing my judgment, my husband was able to eventually expose to me the pain behind his choice to isolate, and, as a result, we connected on a deeper level.
I look back and think about if I had chosen to stay in my judgment; I would have isolated myself from my husband and proven my judgment to be true. And we both would have missed out on such a powerful experience of growing close together and falling deeper in love.
The power of curiosity is intoxicating!
I would love to hear how this story, or your own curiosity, is impacting your life. Please share below!