The Provision is in the Vision
It was just over two years ago that my husband and I entered into “the dash” and out of it emerged the vision of our lives fully alive. (If you are wondering what the dash is, check out my posts on 6/20/14 & 5/31/15) Within six months of doing our "dash," I had sold my company (Portraitlife), sold our home, and was driving across the country enjoying adventure while visiting National Parks with our kids as we moved to California to join Jeff. He had moved there three months earlier to prepare the way for us and grow as an artist, designer, and story teller by working with a start-up company called the Grid. It was a surreal experience as our vision was becoming our reality and we saw that the provision was in the vision.
As we arrived in California, about 35% of our "dash" had become a reality. The other 65% was a bit fuzzy. It was like I had a bird’s eye view and could define certain elements of the vision, but wasn’t sure how to get there or exactly what it would look like. I knew I wanted to write, coach others who wanted to experience life fully alive, and share my experiences through speaking. Life got busy settling in a new place , a new normal as a family unit, and starting my transformational coaching business called Beautiful Outcome.
Fast forward to January of this year, and Beautiful Outcome was celebrating one year in business. It was growing faster than I could have imagined, but still far from being what I had written about in my dash. In some ways, I had almost forgotten about “the dash” and thought that pursuing more of it was a bit off in the future. However, after Jeff & I took a couple of nights away at our favorite resort in wine country (which happens to be the same place we had been two years prior when we originally shared our "dash" with each other), I gained a fuller vision for Beautiful Outcome. I realized that this new vision was the clarity that connected back to stepping into a deeper level of my "dash." As I returned home from this trip and began to share my vision with others, I got scared as I spoke it out of my mouth. I started getting stuck in my head as I had no idea how to move forward in many of the things that pursuing my vision would require. I then fell prey to looking to those I shared it with to encourage me and tell me I had what it took to accomplish it. While I did receive some of that, it didn’t produce life because I was looking to others to tell me my value and worth. I started falling down a slippery slope. I put my head down and began to believe it was all about to me. The deception is much clearer looking back. I can see how I let anxiety, fear, and shame become my voice of reason. The messages fill my head with thoughts like:
- “I am all alone.”
- “It is all up to me.”
- “I am not good enough.”
- “I am not smart enough."
- “I am not talented enough.”
- “Who am I kidding.
I went through several weeks of tumbling head over heels into depression, hopelessness, and apathy towards my vision and life. I had completely forgot that two years earlier, I had no idea how to bring about any of the things in my vision either, but I kept my head up and let the peace in my heart and faith in God and HIs leading be the voice of truth. I took one step at a time, and each step led me to the next which opened up resources that I would need to take the next step.
Thankfully a few weeks ago, in the midst of the dark place I found myself, I began to lift my head up and reached out to a few friends and engage in vulnerable conversations. I got honest about the thoughts I was having and knew I didn’t want to travel the road they were taking me down. I allowed myself to open up to love and peace again rather than repelling them. I got quiet, so I could hear what my heart was saying rather than my head. The simple steps began to emerge, and my faith was restored. In the days that have followed, I am blown away by the resources that are opening for me to pursue my vision. They are nothing short of miraculous. I have energy, excitement, and drive again.
Tears of joy keep filling my eyes as once again I learn that the provision is in the vision.