Grateful I'm Not Stuck Anymore - by: Tori Bradford

I used to spend my life waiting to “arrive”.  You know what I mean -- I thought there would come a time in my life when I would have achieved everything I wanted: I'd have a full bank account, tons of time in my schedule, the happiest and most well-behaved kids on the block, the most romantic husband ever, the fitness model body, and people lining up to take my advice.  I would be famous, rich, respected, and valuable. 

For a long time I chose to believe that I wasn’t at that place in my life because of my circumstances...my husband needed a different job, my kids needed to stop throwing tantrums, and I needed to figure out the one thing that I was good at that the world needed me to offer it...oh and it had to make me rich too.

It sounds ridiculous to say out loud...or read in black and white... but it’s truly what I thought. 

Since I based everything on circumstances, nothing ever changed… because even when the circumstances changed, the lack of value I felt and the limiting beliefs I was engaging in didn’t go away. There were a lot of things happening under the surface that I wasn’t aware of, and at that point I didn't even know that there WAS an under the surface to be aware of!

Through some transformational coaching, I was guided to that lower surface and started to see the limiting beliefs I was choosing about my life, the judgements I was making about the future, and the lack of congruence between what I said I wanted and what I was actually doing.

Maybe you are having some of the same conversations I was having…

Oh, that workshop or event sounds great, but I don’t have the money to go.

...or...

I’d love to spend more time with my kids, but I don’t have any more vacation days at work.

...or...

I am super overwhelmed right now so I’m going to start cutting things out like taking care of myself, cooking for my family, exercising, etc.

...or...

Sure, I want to lose weight and get healthy, but it’s such a long and hard journey and I just don’t have the energy for it.

As I started to walk through transformation I began to see that the beauty lies in looking at the opportunities in front of you, owning what you want and need, and committing to your vision for the future...all while keeping your mind open to the possibilities!

Let's look at these very common conversations and see if there is another way...

Maybe you don’t have money in your bank account for this cool workshop, but what other possibilities can be true? Can you work at the event and lower your cost? Or can you move money in your budget to make it work? You know you can find money for things you want to find money for. The amount of times I’ve found money to go out to eat when I’m feeling down far exceeds the money I would spend on this one thing that would bring me closer to my vision. If I REALLY wanted to embrace the opportunity, couldn’t I find the means somehow?

...and...

If you want to spend time with your kids does it have to be during work time?  What about embracing your weekends and being purposeful in the evenings with your kids? What if you took 5 minutes and sat down with each child and asked them what THEY wanted to do with you. It might surprise you how easily you can fit that into your schedule. You still may realize that you have a desire to take them on a vacation outside of work so now you get the opportunity to be purposeful about saving your vacation days and making that trip part of your vision for your future with your family.

...and...

The idea of being overwhelmed is a limiting belief in and of itself. What is going through your mind that leads you to believe your best choice is to keep piling more and more on your To-Do list? Who are you trying to please? What do you believe is true about yourself if you choose to say "no" every once in awhile? And when you do come to the point of realizing that something needs to be removed from your schedule, can you look at cutting things out that are taking you away from your vision rather than ones that are taking you to your vision. For example: why cut out exercise, when you could just cut out an extra half hour of TV each night?

...and...

If you want to lose weight, then choose to commit to take care of yourself. In today's society it is easy to make excuses and justifications that women should be “curvy” or we should be proud at any size...it's a very convenient concept for someone who is terrified of losing weight. But you are missing the point…. If you have a vision to be healthy and run around with your grand-kids when you’re 70years old, but right now at 40 years old you can barely bend over to tie your shoes then there is a huge gap between what you say you want and what your actions show you want. Is it possible that the story you are making up about taking different action isn't true....and if it's not true, what else could be true?

All it takes to shift these conversations is the awareness that there is something happening below the surface and there is a choice to interrupt it.

I can promise you that after a few months of that, you will be as grateful for transformation as I am!

Because at this point in my journey, I’m starting to actually feel a sense of completion, or like my life has meaning and is full, but it’s not because I really am experiencing my “arrival”, but actually because I’m choosing to see possibilities all around me.

Grass really does seem greener, and the sky really is bluer. My kids laughs really are such a sweet sound, and my husband is my favorite person on earth.  That view has nothing to do with my actual circumstances because it has everything to do with how I CHOOSE to view life… it’s a choice I didn’t realize I had until I stepped into transformation. 

The possibilities seem endless to me now, whereas, a year ago seemed hopeless with no real possibilities.  Everything seemed like it would fail, not work out, or be a dud.  Things would come up that I wanted to do, but I would immediately shut it down because I “knew” I couldn’t make it work.  I would make excuses and justify my stagnation...but in reality I couldn’t “justify” anything.  What I was doing didn’t line up with my vision and I was OK with that....until I wasn't OK with that anymore.

Friends, the first step is observing where you are limiting yourself...What are you experiencing in life that is keeping you stuck? What do you say you want, but your actions don't match up?

We'd love to hear from you!