The Power of Nakedness
Over the last few days, I have felt myself slipping into a funk. I have felt fear, anger, anxiety, sadness sophisticating my joy, passion, vision, and hope. I needed to get naked. Not nakedness in a physical sense but an emotional, mental, and spiritual sense. I needed to be completely naked with my thoughts, feelings, and emotions exposing what they were saying and whether they were valid or not.
For as long as I can remember, I make time in January for a vision trip. It has evolved over the years, but the general concept is to get away and separate myself from the typical responsibilities to allow my heart to vision and express what I desire for that year and beyond. This year, Jeff and I took a couple of days and went to one of our favorite romantic location and got curious about where we are in life right now and where we want to be. If you are tempted to think aw that's so sweet, let me offer reality by saying we got in several huge arguments during our couple of "romantic" days. We thankfully were able to understand that in quieting life down, things that we silence in the busyness get so loud, you can't help but deal with them. Despite the hours spent in conflict, some powerful dreams and desires emerged for our journey ahead. They are so big that as of now, we have no idea how they will come into reality. Regardless of how many times we have seen those kinds of impossible visions become reality, I am still tempted to fear, doubt, and discourage my abilities to step into them.
As we returned to the hustle and bustle of normal life and our continued somewhat discouraging, 18th-month house search, I allowed drops of poisonous thoughts to begin to fill my mind. I started wondering if I was crazy, arrogant, foolish or all of the above to dream such big dreams. My husband and kids began to notice my countenance changing and "Are you OK?" became a common question from them. I would open my mouth, and some of the poison I had been allowing to penetrate my thoughts would come splashing out of my mouth. I couldn't seem to close my lips fast enough. I am by nature a very positive hopeful person, so it was quite odd for even myself to hear what I was saying.
Thankfully this morning as I woke up for the second morning feeling the weight of the world sitting on my chest, I choose nakedness. I sat and journaled through 4 questions that have been one the best resources I have ever received. (They came from Geri Scazzaro's book "I Quit.") What am I angry about? What am I afraid of? What am I anxious about? And what am I sad about? As I allowed myself to be with what was, not judging, running, or hiding from what I felt - the poisoned thoughts emerged. I was shocked by some of them, but let myself be with them. Once I had thoroughly answered one question and got out all that was occurring to me, I then went back over those poisonous feelings and processed them. Were they true? Were they absolutely true? I turned to my heart and truth and faith from past dreams becoming a reality, began to emerge. As I went through each of the four questions one at a time and chose truth and faith in each one, I felt the weight begin to lift. As the light and truth filled my soul, I could see how dark I had let it get. My feelings are not bad, they are just not typically a source of truth that empowers me to take steps of courage - they are tainted with fear, worry and doubt. If I allow them to be in control or be my source of truth, they will take me to my worst fears. When I allow truth to be my guide, I have the courage to take one small step at a time towards my vision, no matter how impossible that dream may seem.