Facing My Addiction to Busyness Part 1
Over the last few weeks and months, I have chosen a new level of curiosity towards my relationship with busyness. I realize it is an addiction. I have interrupted so much in this area through the years, that I had convinced myself I was cured. However, I see that it is more like an onion that has layers. As I peel one layer away, I see things differently and recognize the next level of freedom that is available.
As I turn and glance back over my life, I can't remember a time when I wasn't a goer and a doer, craving busyness. I remember as a child hating boredom, yet we had endless opportunities for make-believe, playing outside, and making things like latch hook rugs, cross stitch, and other random projects. But something in me longed to fill every moment of my day. As an adult with the freedom to make my own schedule, I chose not to leave any time for boredom. I found pleasure in the busyness.
I remember a break in my busyness after our first child was born. I had quit my job and was staying at home with her. I remember the haunting feeling I had as I didn't know how to embrace the quietness that I defined as boredom. I didn't like it! At that same time, the opportunity for my husband and I to start our own business came, and I jumped at the chance to get busy.
The business was growing and every three years we had another baby. I can see that through that season, the addition to busyness was at an all time high. I worked 70+ hours a week in our business, homeschooled our four children, and traveled the world teaching seminars and workshop. I found a strange sense of joy in daily waking up to a long to-do list. From it, I received admiration, respect, and status from those outside my inner circle who saw the facade that looked good on the outside. They couldn't see the reality of stress I lived inside my inner circle. I was exhausted from burning the candle at both ends day after day. It cost me the intimate relationships I most longed for with my husband and children.
to be continued ....